(Instead of "YOU" messages which make the child feel "bad" and drive them away from you) "Method III" collaborative problem solving Method I - Parent decides what goes, adheres to it strictly, removing voice of the child Method II - Parent tries to enforce what goes, but ends up always giving into the child, creating no sense of respect / order Method III - "Hey, I have a problem.
Absolutely the best parenting book I've read. It's already had the biggest impact on our lives of any parenting book I've read. Actually if you want to learn specific techniques for parenting and are open to why the traditional model isn't working, you'll love this book. I've read a lot of parenting books. Read this book. I want to note that this book is best read before the teen years, actually the earlier the better, and it might be able to help in the teen years too. It's worth a shot with teens, certainly, but please don't intentionally put off reading this till then because you think your kid won't be able to get it all.
Sure, I-messages are all well and good, but my two-year-old doesn't care that it makes me feel frustrated when he smears his sticky hands on my clothes or that it makes his sister cry when he throws his truck at her.
The premise of the book is that some parents use their power to control their children, while other parents, in order to be liked by their kids or to keep the peace, allow their children to do whatever they want at the expense of their own needs. I'd love to go to a workshop, but for the time being, I have gotten sufficient guidance from this book to improve my relationships with my children. The author believes that children are not given nearly enough opportunities to be responsible.
As an alternative, he taught people skills for communicating and resolving conflicts that they can use to establish or improve good relationships at home, school and at work. In recognition of his contributions to the betterment of humanity, Dr. Gordon was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1997, 1998 and 1999.
but then I realized I couldn't implement it effectively, lovingly and in a way where I felt I was being respectful of my children as individuals. recently, after implementing PET, I have watched fascinated as they solved a problem on their own after all I said was simply, "Just talk to each other and work it out, please." Whether or not you struggle with your temper or your kids behaving appropriately, this is a wonderful book on communication that will help you in your relationship with your children, and adults as well.
TLDR; this could be a three chapter book.
reacting to conflict and to child's problem by active listening 2.
I wish I knew who all these well-spoken, articulate children are that so many authors of parenting books seem to know. This isn't the only book in which the sample dialogues have children speaking in artificial, stilted ways, and being able to reason their way to a solution (by themselves!) within three or four sentences, even when they're three years old.
Dr. Gordon spent more than 50 years teaching parents, teachers and leaders the model he developed for building effective relationships. Then, in the early 60s, he developed the Parent Effectiveness Training course - commonly known as P.E.T.