Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve

Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve

In this smash national bestseller, Dr. Ian Kerner, sex therapist, explores the battlefield of sex, hookups, go-nowhere relationships, and the dismal dating treadmillarming women with a sharper set of insights and the tools for change.

With humor and sincerity, Kerner shows women how to break the cycle of dating defeat and use the power of sex to find lovewith a great guy who is into you.

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- Dating "in the meantime" is wasted time.

but you thought you could have sex like a man 3. but that didnt' stop him from having sex like a man 4. Live your life. Don't be in a relationship "in the meantime" because before you know it, you are missing opportunities to meet the person that lights you up from the inside out and vice versa--they are often in the very area in which you frequent or live.

What I loved about this book was that it acknowledges the fact that you may never meet someone and offers a reasonable way to deal with this (having a KICK-ASS life). Finding the right man dose not need to be an all consuming search; get on with your life and maybe you'll find a nice guy while your at it.

Like if you're in your early to mid twenties, for one you won't even understand most of the sex in the city references. You're from a generation that is way more sexually desensitized, so having sex with no attachments might be easier for you. Just if you don't understand don't knock it, it just wasn't the right book for you.

However, for the women who HAVE actually thought about their dating behavior, I don't think this book has much to offer.

Whats so great about the endless search for love?

Much like "He's Just Not That Into You," this book turns the tables and shines the spotlight on the fact that we as women are very quick to "settle." Kerner states that many times, we see the problems with our mate, but choose to ignore them so that we do not have to be alone.

The answer to each is the same: only love." Scrolling down the reviews and I haven't found a single guy who read this. This book came to my attention after I read Kerner's other more well-known work (She Comes First) and thought it would be interesting to explore other perspectives. There are no games." ___ "Are you waiting for someone?" "Yeah I'm seeing this guy and he said he'd stop by, and I know I look like a real idiot, but I'm really into him." He shook his head and said: "But you're so beautiful, and you seem intelligent. The reason pride can be so elusive for women is because it often comes hand in hand with accepting that things weren't meant to be, and accepting this can be painful, depressing, and lonely. What has struck me most over the past year or so is not the inability of women to read men's all-too-clear signs of relative disinterest but women's passive decisions to sleep with, date, and ultimately fall in love with men they never really liked in the first place. But if you're looking to repair your self-esteem or exorcise the ghosts of boyfriends past through casual sex, you're probably setting yourself up for a disappointment. There are biological and evolutionary forces at work every time you have sex, so just be honest with yourself about why you're doing it in the first place. From a purely orgasmic point of view, women in relationships fare far better than single women. They tell you the truth about a sexual encounter, whether you want to know it or not. Not to say you can't have casual sex, fall in love, and live happily ever after, but it's less likely, and certainly more of a challenge, when you consider how we're wired. Men are more able to compartmentalise love and sex, which allows them to have sex without emotion. Men may be more easily aroused but that does not make them any less fundamentally interested in romantic or emotionally based love. Let the thing (in-the-meantime relationship) speak for you and eventually ir will speak for itself. This leads many women to a crisis in confidence, whereby their value is based on the judgment of all men, echoed by the man they happen to be dating. Love at first sight is a false conceit; people confuse it for chemistry, which, while important, is just a fraction of what makes a relationship work. I realised that love is sort of like that song (Sesame Street: "one of these things doesn't belong") - you need to know what belongs and what doesn't but you can only do that by really knowing yourself.

Ian is the founder of Good in Bed, an online destination that brings together many of the country's leading sex and relationship experts.

  • English

  • Nonfiction

  • Rating: 3.48
  • Pages: 192
  • Publish Date: April 25th 2006 by William Morrow Paperbacks
  • Isbn10: 0060834064
  • Isbn13: 9780060834067