Between Parent and Haim Ginott Khaya: Dr. Ginott, I have so many feelings about your book. Dr. Ginott: Khaya, evaluative words like great do not represent helpful praise. Khaya: Oh. So I guess it would be more accurate to say that your books have helped my friends develop a philosophy of parenting that seems to work for them. Dr. Ginott: You have reframed your words to be a more specific, and therefore helpful and effective form of praise. Dr. Ginott: You are concerned that children whose feelings are reflected back to them by their parents may be whinier. Khaya: I remember my friends four-year-old whining at her, I want that RIGHT NOW. Dr. Ginott: So you feel that your friends empathetic response to her child encouraged the child to whine more? Dr. Ginott: So youre feeling some self-doubt about your own parenting and wondering whether thats whats causing this reaction. Khaya: Yes, although I also think its important for parents to be authentic, isnt it? Khaya: Yes. I mean, its definitely kinder and gentler than yelling at a child or putting him down, and I give you credit for sensitizing parents to that. I believe it is entirely possible to first reflect the childs feelings and then follow up with a statement about the need for the child to use a more palatable tone. Maybe todays parents are a little too nice for their childrens good. Khaya: No offense, Dr. Ginott, but many aspects of this book were indeed dated.
So why am I reading a parenting book, you might ask? Well, one of my main self-improvement goals for the past few years has been to improve my communication skills, especially with relation to conflict resolution and emotions. This book really crystallized my half-formed theories on communication, emotions, and conflict resolution, and suddenly it all makes sense. I over-explain to justify my point but often a justification is unnecessary. Anyway, I recommend everyone everywhere read this book if you want to become a better, more caring and compassionate person and communicator.
Nhng sau khi bôi vàng c cun sách thì tôi t b ý nh này. Tôi ch có mt ngh n các ba, m rng hãy c cun sách này có th hng dn con tr ln lên vng vàng, vi lòng t trng, s t tin và tình yêu thng thm m. - Tuy cun sách nói v vic dy con, các ba m s thy rng chính các ba m s hc c nhiu iu sa i chính bn thân, tr thành mt ngi tt hn, có th m trách mt cách t tin trng trách làm cha, m, mt trng trách vô cùng th thách, nhng cng là mt công vic y ý ngha và yêu thng. - Xác nhn các cm xúc và suy ngh không úng n ca tr không có ngha là chúng ta ng ý vi tr, mà ó là khi u ca vic x xì ngòi n xung t, tranh lun, bt ng gia cha m và con cái. Và t ó, chúng ta có th chuyn hng và ngh các hành vi thay i tích cc cho con cái, theo mt cách mà con cái chúng ta có quyn t ch trong vic la chn và ra quyt nh.
I just have to add, though, there are things I definitely don't agree with in the slightest when it comes to certain values suggested in the later chapters of the book.
Bu sebeple, bir defa okunup bir koseye birakilacak bir kitap degil.
Yet with this book, I could start applying Ginotte's techniques from the moment I started reading and I found them to be extremely effective.
This book had some good points, but it was quite preachy, and used "should" language a lot. Some of it does not fit with my value system (for example, how permissive we should be with our children about premarital sex.) And I know that if I was in the middle of raising kids this book would definitely cause a lot of guilt.